At the start of this year, I had every intention of continuing the practices and routines that helped me heal and grow after facing PTSD. I’d made so much progress during my time away from work, learning to prioritize my health, set boundaries, and rediscover the value of simply being. But returning to work full-time brought many unexpected challenges.
Stressful deadlines, a fast-paced environment, and challenging workplace dynamics began to chip away at the balance I’d worked so hard to cultivate. Old habits and thought patterns started creeping back, and for a moment, it felt like all the progress I’d made was slipping away.
This article is about that experience. It’s about the struggle to reconcile the luxury of healing in a calm, controlled space with the realities of returning to a high-stress world. It’s about what I’ve learned along the way—that self-care isn’t a one-time achievement but an ongoing practice, especially for first responders.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re taking one step forward, two steps back, you’re not alone. But here’s the good news: each step teaches us something.
This past year marked my full-time return to work—a milestone that brought both triumphs and challenges. Along the way, I’ve faced uncomfortable truths, navigated unhealthy environments, and redefined what it means to honour my boundaries.
When I took time away from work, I had the luxury of space. Time to heal. Time to grow. Time to prioritize self-care practices that supported my recovery from PTSD. It was during this period that I built myself back up—strengthening my mental fitness, engaging in healthy habits, and nurturing my inner being. But life has a way of testing us, and when I returned to work, the weight of deadlines, stress, and unhealthy environments brought old thought patterns and habits to the surface.
The past version of me might have white-knuckled through it. After all, isn’t that what we’ve been trained to do? Push harder. Prove more. Pretend everything’s fine. But what I’ve learned—and am continuing to learn—is this: my worth isn’t tied to how much I can endure. My worth isn’t something external that I have to prove. My value is inherent in my existence.
It’s a lesson I’ve had to revisit time and again. Returning to work wasn’t what I expected. I stumbled. I doubted myself. But I also discovered strength in new places. I learned that boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re self-preservation. They’re a declaration that my health is my wealth.
For first responders, mental fitness is every bit as critical as physical fitness. We don’t question the need to train our bodies, but how often do we create space to train our minds? The truth is, resilience isn’t about powering through; it’s about finding environments where we can grow and thrive. And for me, thriving required stepping away from challenging dynamics and finding a healthier workplace where I could be supported, challenged, and valued.
The lessons I’ve learned are clear:
Boundaries are not for others—they’re for you.
Everyone thrives in the right environment.
How you treat others matters far more than how others perceive you.
Mental fitness requires intentionality. It’s about finding balance—not perfection—between work, life, and service. It’s about recognizing when old habits creep back in and giving yourself grace. It’s about choosing growth over guilt.
As first responders, we carry the weight of the world on our shoulders, often at the expense of our own mental health. But what if we shifted that narrative? What if we invested in environments, relationships, and practices that nourished us? What if we gave ourselves the same care we so readily give to others?
This isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. For me, the journey continues, step by step. And while the path isn’t always linear, I’ve come to realize that even steps backward offer lessons.
Your health is your wealth. Invest in it unapologetically. You’re not just here to survive—you’re here to thrive.
Remember, finding balance is a journey, not a destination. If you're a first responder seeking support, consider exploring resources like Badge of Life Canada or Wounded Warriors Canada to connect with tools and communities designed to help you thrive.
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