For many first responders taking time off work to heal and recover from the effects of trauma is a challenging decision to make and process to go through. Returning to work can be an equally if not more difficult process and I am fortunate to work for a police service that is piloting a reintegration program. The program is for members returning to work from extended absences due to trauma related injuries, maternity/paternity leave, and working through possible job related triggers after high stress incidents.
I was offered the opportunity to provide a testimonial speech for this reintegration program on Bell Lets Talk Day. At first the amount of anxiety I felt at the thought of sharing such a vulnerable part of me to a large audience left me with a racing heart, quivering muscles and a cold sweat but I also knew that this strong reaction was just part of the effects of my trauma, it was my amygdala overreacting and I knew I needed to face this head on.
Below is as slightly edited version of my speech to share with you:
Hi I’m Constable Justin Williams, I’m also a husband, a son, a brother, a friend, a mentor and PTSD nearly took all that away from me affecting not just my life but everyone around me.
In my recovery journey, I made a commitment to remain open to available resources, which allowed me to overcome the debilitating effects of PTSD that left me anxious, depressed, and unable to function. I owe a debt of gratitude to organizations supporting first responders, such as Ontario Shores, Central Ontario Psychology, Badge of Life, Wounded Warriors, CBI Health, and my workplace reintegration program.
While working through many challenges during my time-off, I encountered triggers that required targeted intervention in work specific environments for continued progress. WSIB referred me to an exposure therapy program, where I worked with an occupational therapist using digital resources like video, audio, and Google street view coupled with visualization and writing techniques. However, realistic exposures were crucial for continued progress.
Much of what I did as a police officer and the equipment I used is just not accessible outside of working or training environments. Thats where the Reintegration Program came in. I had progressed to a point that I needed direct exposure because visualization and writing just weren’t effective for continued progress.
Working with Paul and Ryan, the Reintegration Program brought me back into the buildings, gave me access to my uniform, use of force equipment, driving a cruiser, doing firearms drills on the range as well as observing and participating in training scenarios.
Paul and Ryan were there to plan and facilitate reintegration sessions that challenged my triggers and were appropriate for where I was at. They used recommendations from myself, my health care providers and observations they made, to ensure progress and success at each session.
Throughout the process, unexpected triggers often surfaced, eliciting overwhelming memories, feelings and emotions., I would feel as if I was back in that moment. Participating in scenarios was particularly challenging as I was learning to cope with my triggers while also maintaining the ability to interact with the role players, problem solve my internal reactions and problem solve the scenario itself. However, the supportive environment of the Reintegration Program included multiple checkins and debriefs that allowed me to pause, understand my reactions, connect with the present moment, and recognize that the triggering memory was not unfolding in real-time. I was able to come back into my window of tolerance and teach my mind that I was safe.
That’s one of the challenges with PTSD, your unconscious mind starts to believe that danger is ever present, that every little trigger is one of those worst days of yours or someones life that you encounter every day as a police officer. The Reintegration Program enabled me to build on my abilities and tackle out as many triggers as possible while also building confidence in myself and the training I had over 10 years as an officer.
The Reintegration program proved to be an invaluable resource, providing a safe and supportive environment to address job-related triggers. It allowed me to retrain my mind, fostering confidence and hope, ultimately enabling me to return to work with a focus on my new role and personal growth, rather than stumbling through triggers and self-doubt.
Thank you to everyone who have and continue to support me on my recovery journey.
Looking back I am able to recognize the amount of person growth I have achieved through my healing process. It’s important that we continue to break down the stigma of mental health injuries not only to encourage people to reach out for help but to open up all first responders to learning how to prevent injury and promote mental fitness. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to overcome my fears and share a part of my journey with members of my police service on Bell Let's Talk Day.
Comments